Okay, i survived that.

Long story..
I got confined at the UST hospital for 5 days. And i stopped school.
If i don't want to go back to school in june, i won't go back. My dad agreed. They're very supportive.
I can do whatever the hell i want now. Well, to some extent. I can't do anything illegal. hah.
I'm planning to have saxophone lessons this summer. To keep myself busy. And i'm planning to shift my course, if ever i go back to school. Either english literature, humanities, interdiciplinary studies, or creative writting.
I don't know yet.
so there.

and oh yeah, i have my own place now. My dad sleeps there at night to make sure i don't do anything stupid (like try to OD on pills that cancel each other and slash my wrists with plastic forks) again. So there. and i can smoke anytime now. I smoke like 3 packs a week now. and i go to the gym every other day. so woohoo, welcome back life.

i don't know. sometimes i feel that the meds (im still on them) aren't working. at night, when my father's asleep, and i'm smoking outside, i still feel depressed and worthless and shit. I don't know. But i won't do anything stupid. That's for sure. I mean, even to just pay back the effort that my parents gave me.

I'm trying though. seriously. Im trying happiness and life a shot.

And i plan to read a lot in this sabbatical (sp?) of mine. I'll start with John Milton's "Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained" after reading Salinger's "Franny and Zooey". I've heard that "Paradise" is something like the creation story as told in the eyes of Satan. I don't know, but that sounds interesting to me. My christian cousins cringe at the thought of Satan and the occult. Oh well.