Reaction, wastes in dreams,
Clubs of spades and kings.
Hearts behind Jacks,
and Queens over threes,
I really don't know what's happening to me.

Okay, that was crap.

No one really reads this blog, except for two people, i think.

Ever since i got perscription pills, life has been, i don't know, sedated.

I hate the feeling. I want my feelings to be clear so that i could wallow in it. I want to feel really sad when i'm sad, i want to feel really happy when i'm happy. Right now, every emotion is muddled. I feel like i'm not feeling straight. I'm thinking straight, but not feeling straight. They should lock me up in an emotional rehab or something.

I've been drinking three days straight now, alone, in my room. It's not really pleasurable though, because i have no one to talk to.

Someone commented on my old blog, and she won't tell me who she is. And out of nowhere, an aunt started texting me, telling me that we should go out and watch gigs or something this saturday (she's 29, i think). So now i'm thinking that she found out about my blog while googling me or something. So now, no names so that my blog would remain hidden and only known to about 3 people at most.

I feel that the pills are making me dull. I can't write the way i used to, when whatever the emotion i was feeling was sharp. Even if it hurts back then, i wouldn't mind because everything seems so clear. And i could write journals and poems and songs. Now, when i pick up my guitar, i would stop 10 minutes after because whatever i'm playing doesn't seem to make sense anymore. I try to pick up a pen and write, but nothing comes out. I hate the feeling that you don't know exactly what you're feeling. Godamn pills.

I feel like im floating. I feel that i am transient. Well, everyone is transient because everyone dies eventually, so i guess this entry doesn't have a point.

I just feel sometimes that i want my life back. I want my feelings back. But i don't know if i've lost anything, so i don't know. I want my life and emotions back, but i can't remember if what i had as a life and what i had as emotions back then is worth having back, or if this paragraph is making sense. No i am not drunk. Not yet.

If you get to read this, or if i make you read it, please comment. Tell me what to think. I need options.