You

okay.

now i know why i can't seem to write properly anymore.
writting is a release. i don't need release anymore because i've told everything i have to say to everyone. even her. i visited her in school last monday, and we ended up crying in the waiting shed.

i don't know what's happening to me. All i know is that i don't need release anymore. I've told so many people already, and i'm tired of telling it all over again.

i've cut my wrist with every sharp object i could find. i did it yesterday, and i did it earlier during math period. i went to the bathroom and slashed myself.

it helps, seriously. i know it's stupid, but when you feel the pain rushing to your wrists, you just seem to forget. i've tried everything, and they don't work. cigarettes, alcohol, valiums. but when i slashed myself, i just felt calm. sad, but calm.

i don't know.

i know you're hurting because of me. im sorry, but this is just how i deal with things. i know you care for me. i think. i don't want you hurting because of me. so please, stop caring anymore. it would kill me if you'd stop caring, but if that's what it takes for you to stop hurting, i can take that. i don't ever want to see you cry because of me. ever. please.

i don't know what i'm feeling right now.

i was infatuated back then with you. but now, i love you for caring for me. i love you.

but i know that will never happen. you and me. one day, you'd just stop caring and just give up. i'd understand. im the kind of person that's hard to love.

please stop crying. i don't want to see you crying.

let's just move on, okay. you know that i'm always here for you. no matter what. but we have our own lives to live, so i guess it's easier this way.

i've told so much to so many people already. and i'm tired as hell of thinking about you. please, let's just live it as this. okay?

take care of yourself.